Psychosis: Symptoms We Do Not Talk About
This a personal essay about a friend who was not showcasing the symptoms of Psychosis openly
The voices which do emerge inside one’s head. The scenarios which others do land up seeing in a person when all others are avoiding the person or are unable to understand the person. The understanding is failing because the person cannot possibly understand himself/ herself internally. The same is possible once the person knows that no matter what happens the person will go on to display the after effects of the disease by way of been very stressed and even further stressed.
When the stress becomes so unbearable the person cannot go beyond the own spectrum of diction. It moves to become a disease that is driven by anxiety and chronic stress. This is when the person even moves to start showcasing several symptoms of delusions and/or hallucinations.
It is during this showcasing of symptoms of delusion and/or hallucinations is when the person understands something is not quite right with them. It is either because the same prolonged period of stress is so propagated and breed that it leads to way too much apprehension or it is because the period of stress translates into something which makes one completely averse the reality by way of creating an alternate reality. This is when the person moves on to being a schizophrenic or a neurotic.
At this conjunction, I would like to pin point this personal story of a friend who was undergoing unlimited periods of stress and in turn was making herself completely loosen up in the zone in which she did not even belong. This is when she finally found supposed solace in advances which really did not exist.
The advances were apparently to make her feel at ease. However, such advances were only making her highly uneasy. That uneasiness was causing her a lot of pain and suffering. The propagators of her advances in the sense were making her propel those feelings time and again. It was during this interjection that she realised that she was not feeling fine at all. In fact, she was totally in repetition of the same words and dialogues again and again in her voice. They were making her very defensive.
Then the voice changed towards being the voice of other people whom she knew and sometimes it changed to the voices she did not know. Then it quickly changed towards them pointing fingers at her and talking to her aggressively and screaming at her when actually they were not doing so. That is because they were not even present in front of her or were not communicating to her either be it virtually or in reality.
It was in these times that she realised that something was just not right. It started happening in moments when she was alone and when she was not able to cope up with the faults which were lined in room for her. It then moved into moments which she was unable to tackle and finally it moved into moments where she felt a heightened sense of belonging.
She was under the impression that it was a heightened sixth sense…which made her feel in luck with her advances…then she realised that such advances are not what she is actually seeking…they are all just the make-up of her being/ the make belief of her transition… In fact, the voices were usually of people who made fun of her or instigated her or irritated her… So, of people she was completely aware of… She was very sure they were speaking to her again in order for her to do well… when actually the only thing they were doing were infuriating her...
At first, she felt it was really taking pace and she would not react vehemently to the same…She felt her silence was her ideal way forward… However, it was only after a while she realised that it was primarily her inbuilt prolonged stress which had made her hallucinate as well as be in delusion…This is when she decided to completely ignore what she was going through and decided not to talk about the same.
This way of dealing with a none interfering stimulation as a coping mechanism of denial made her even more aggressive and pugnacious in her dealings and this is when the noises in the head started to frequent her over and over again. In fact, it did become evident slowly and steadily to such an extent that finally she decided to give way to them by being a complete part of them. She started entertaining the delusions and hallucinations by way of ignoring them.
She put it in her head to start ignoring what she was going through. However, she could never let of the same happen and was only making her situation worse and further worse. This reason was because she did not have an outlet for her stress, anxiety and frustration. The only thing she did have was a fix for her day to day conundrums. The same was because they were not virtually giving her any form of deference. They were only making her question her reality.
The question made her move from ignoring the symptoms to believing the symptoms that is what became her true norm… This is when she even actually started experiencing the barbs of malice and despair. It was during these times that she realised that her chronic stress and anxiety had transformed into something where she could be called something else too. It had taken shape if trauma. It was this very trauma in which she decided to remain silent…. It was because of the stigma which was associated with the disease that she was heading towards… that she entered a heightened sense of psychosis and was invariably hearing voices which were blowing her over…
This is when she realised something was certainly not right and that she cannot possibly make herself count among all. The hearing of voices then moved towards even experiencing seeing shadows. The shadows are what was making her feel that someone was following her moves time and again in order to look at her through the periods of feeling stress and then towards helping her out of the situation that she was in. Then she realised that something was not right.
She knew the stigma associated with being mad or crazy or mental are the terms a person is called out to be when they actually realise what they are going through. She was not okay with talking about her symptoms which ascertained that she had a heightened elevation of sound and a heightened elevation of smell. She also could not understand what was it about the shadow which was going to follow her all through.
It was the complete congruency of unwanted sound which made her totally averse her current feeling. She was sure that the very sounds had stemmed from her inner mental asylum and she was confident to remove them from her system. She then finally reached out to her peer group that is her friends with me being one of them and after that formulated her reality to make herself shine through. She did it time and again… She wanted to differentiate between the reality and delusion. Also, sometimes hallucinations.
She took it upon herself to let go of the symptoms which she was experiencing that were causing her to hate herself and, in a way, detest herself. She started identifying the systems as a way of doing well for herself. She went on to repetitively cause an affliction in her life but she chose to do that by finally acknowledging her symptoms and having them diagnosed properly.
It is very important to talk to people when you are experiencing something for a long period of time. Sharing something that is bothering you is what brings out the best in you. In fact, when you talk repetitively to even one person about what you are going through you are reinforcing a pain point which finds an outlet through the way of functioning. That is not cribbing and complaining. The way of functioning by way of acknowledging your symptoms is what dictates the decorum of well-being as one is totally cared for and completely taken into account by an affliction of power.
This is what makes one completely understand that not discussing symptoms or not talking about symptoms cannot possibly make you feel good about yourself. It is something in fact which makes you grind through the whereabouts to work through your inner feelings. This in turn completely makes you enter your trigger which in turn makes you visit your reality. Hence, it is always well advised to talk about your symptoms out and loud. Once you feel you are completely in tune with your inner feelings that is when you move on to make the most for you.
Once my friend visited her reality again and again instead of avoiding it to the core... that is when she started making a good and healthy interface with herself. After she threw that inner light into her that is when she went into finding what works better for her. Once she knew what works better for her, she completely understood how she can possibly get in line to work around all her norms of working and then she went on to completely move through the vibe of existence through treatment, therapy and tolerance.
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